I'm back, and I am completely overwhelmed by emotions- times like these are the best times to write. The unfiltered, raw feelings can pass from my soul to my journal as freely as flowing water. Times like these offer both me and you, the reader, the purest glimpses of my soul I can show, and once again, I am going to begin this entry with a short story (it seems to be a developing theme of these posts).
I found a few old journals of mine- worn, unkempt relics of times in my life that have since passed- each of them having timelines beginning around the times of large events in my life. Deaths, accidents, events, self-discovery, and more. Reading through them proved to be tough- wonderful and painful memories resurfaced in my brain. I cried, I cringed, and my heart was once again burdened with things I had buried from myself. Feeling that wave of emotions was like being swept away in a beautiful and terrifying flood, my soul flowing with the current into whatever was on the current page.
I was reminded of horrific and confusing times. It's a marvel I'm still here, to be quite honest. I had a lot of close calls, starting from the age of eleven. I emphasized the bad aspects of my life at the time (as most people do when writing in journals). After finishing the somewhat short yet emotional saga of reading through all of these journals, I did some self-reflection, laying on my floor as sad-sack-of-shit music played on my record player, thunder boomed, and rain lashed at my roof in heavy sheets.
"I have come far."
For many of us, our lives consist of constantly slogging through shit and mud, trudging and groaning and struggling to make things better. Hell, I'm still doing that now. Life is tough and unfair and cruel and sometimes downright crushing, but we can all make it through, no matter how long it takes. Because if we give up, marks we could've made on this world for the better won't happen. If I had given up, back when my brain and body were screaming at me to do so, I wouldn't have found my calling in life, I wouldn't have made positive impacts on the lives of people I know and love, and I wouldn't have been able to chase my dreams (no matter how outlandish they are).
You've just got to keep going.
I'll be starting two jobs soon, as well as continuing to go to college and helping my family. It's going to be a lot and I'm going to probably hate every minute of it, but I'm still chasing those fleeting stars with ravenous zeal. I want to play righteous music coming directly from my heart. I'll do anything to get there.
We can all make it. Continue chasing the light at the end of the tunnel with as much dedication as you can muster, no matter how far away or unattainable it seems. Sometimes it's closer than you think.
Sorry the photo this time around is awful- I didn't want to accompany this post with a photo of a deteriorating building or a rotting power pole. Much love to you all.
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